When was the last time you left the city? I mean really left. Loaded up your car with your bags full of stuff, clothes, a bathing suit, blankets, a tent, sleeping bags and a smores kit, packed a picnic, filled the car up with gas and gotten on the road and left.
If your one of the lucky ones who is able to do this on a regular basis then more power to you. BUT if you are like the majority of us city dwellers its been TOO LONG since the last time we were really able to take that time and get out into the open air. No traffic, no buildings, no smog, no people and no work.
Do you remember what that feels like to be free? The sun shining on your face, looking up into the big open blue sky and remembering what it feels like to be breath fresh air and feel so alive? I mean really alive. The sensation on having the wind blowing in your hair and hearing it whip and whistle in your ears every so softly and realize the silence is more soothing then any symphony, masterpiece or sex this life could offer. What is this feeling? Can you name it or describe it? Feel its sensations? Taste its flavors? Maybe. But why should you? Its like describing what Love is and thats already hard enough. Being where no one is, out in the open, vulnerable, naked and alone gives you a sense of meaning and understanding that no amount of research could give you. Some people call this God, others may call it balance, I call it Love. My religion.
So many people these days forget who they are because they get so caught up in their social media, friending, sharing, blogging, liking and tweeting, that they forget what real connection is. And how are we supposed to connect with other people if we can't even connect with ourselves?! We are living in a world where our technology is raising our children. We need to all understand, that is NOT ok!!! How are we supposed to learn compassion, understanding, communication and Love with a screen in our face all the time? There are so many articles about how technology is creating this barrier between human connection and we aren't doing anything about it! We are spending more time 'getting to know' people we rarely to never see in person on Facebook then we are really getting to know the person right in front of us. What really gets me is how easily people detach from themselves because of technology. I have spent years in therapy for the simple fact that it helps me let go of things that have no reason for holding on to and gives me a structured place to do that. It give me a change to deal with things that are being cooped up in my brain or heart that won't make room for more important things, like compassion, growth and Love. Letting go and forgiving myself for the things that the outside world has impressed on me is one of the greatest gifts I could have given myself.
Now therapy was not the only thing that opened my world to self Love and awareness. It was allowing myself to be aware that I needed it. A need that lives within all of us. We need Love. Plain and simple. Finding myself has been an ongoing process and I hope that it never stops.
When I realized that I was in dire need to find out who I really was, was after a really awful breakup (of course). I was with a man (whom I still love to this day though we are not together) who hated himself and therefor resented me. I realized that there was no way that either of us were going to be happy if I stayed. So I decided to leave. Leave and find who I was and give him the space to find out who he was. Leave the love and laughter, leave the pain and sadness, leave the apartment I so loved and leave the man I thought I was one day going to marry. To go out in the world and find out just who the hell I was.
I left for 3 months and both of my sisters came with me. We decided to take a road trip across the United States. Im not going to tell you about our trip and what we did or where we went, that is for another day and another blog, but I am going to tell you what I learned about myself and how I decided to Love myself.
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